Ten Sixteen
by D.B.R Hazlewoode
Summary: "Ryan, please," he begged, ragged, broken, nothing left, "Don't make me do this." "Do it, Javier..Do it, or I swear to God I will.." "Oh God, Pardoname.." he moaned, raising closed eyes to the sky, "Pardoname.." He squeezed the trigger, and all was silent
1. Heaven and Hell

_**A/N: Hi guys. This is my attempt to write myself out of a four week writer's block. This won't be my best work, but bear with me. It's bound to get better. In case the title doesn't make sense, Google it. Then it'll fit. The usual disclaimers, I don't own Castle, blah blah blah. Happy reading, and R&R. Your's till the wheels fall off ;)**_

10-16

"_**The closer you get to the meaning, the sooner you'll know that you're dreaming. So it's on and on and on.."-Black Sabbath**_

It was Madden Night. It was Madden Night, and Kevin Ryan was nowhere to be found. Never in the history of Madden Nights past had either not shown up. It simply didn't happen. And judging by that principle (and that principle alone) Javier Esposito knew that something was wrong. He just hadn't had the time to think of it yet. His cell phone rang, startling him out of his internal conversation. Javier grabbed it eagerly and held it up to his ear, not stopping to think for a moment that maybe Ryan wasn't on the other end of the call.

"I hope you have a really good excuse, bro, cause I got the pizza, the soda, the wings, the-"

"Javier? Javier, please-" He held the phone away from his face for a moment and frowned at it. It was Jenny's name and number, not Kevin's, that flashed upon the screen. Her breathing came in short gasps between sobs, and she sounded frightened for her life; this was no prank.

"Jenny? What happened? What-" Then another thought struck him.

"Where's Kevin?" She paid him no mind.

"Javier, you have to come, please! I n-need you to..to...help me! Help me," she whispered brokenly, over and over in some mindless chant. The line went dead. Javier stared at the phone (mouth slightly open), for a few moments longer before he dropped it and sprinted.

The drive was one he knew well, one he could have executed effortlessly with his eyes closed during a snowstorm. But he had never driven to Ryan's with such fear tugging at his soul. A million thoughts spun through his mind, but not one made sense. He'd been smart enough to grab the phone after he ran from the house, and he tried calling Ryan several times while he sped down the road. It went straight to voicemail each time.

"No me hagas esto. Donde estas, bro?" _**Don't do this to me. Where are you, bro? **_He muttered harshly under his breath, making a right turn onto Ryan's street, "Donde estas?" _**Where are you?**_

He could see the house coming up in the distance. A weak yellow light escaped through the windows and open door. A slender silhouette cradled herself as she leaned against the house for support.

"Jenny," he whispered. He saw the headlights moments before he heard the horn. His mind told his hands to jerk the wheel wildly to the side before he had even realized what was going on. He broke, hard, and slammed back against his seat as his car stopped inches behind a black suv parked on the sidewalk. A car zoomed by in the impending twilight, horn blaring as it burnt rubber.

"Donde demonios has heco viene? Idiota!" _**Where the hell did you come from? Idiot! **_Esposito hollered out of his window, ignoring the slight shudder running through the palms of his hands. Carefully, he nudged the car back onto the street and parked in front of the house. The night's events were trying to piece themselves together already, and they were forming a picture that Javier refused to see. He got out and stalked toward Jenny.

She was a mess by the time he got to her. Her hair was in knots, her makeup had long ago been washed away, and her mascara and eyeliner stained her porcelain cheeks. She held her head in her hands.

"Jenny-" She simply collapsed into his embrace, and Javier stumbled back a step as he took the bulk of her weight. (Which, he conceded, wasn't much)

"What-Where-" He couldn't even begin to gather his thoughts to form a question, never mind try to make sense of things. He just ushered Jenny inside and closed the door behind them.

The only room, upon entering, free of destruction seemed to be the living room. Javier led Jenny to a couch and took a seat across from her. She took a pillow in her trembling hands and kneaded it as she ducked her head, hair hiding her face.

"Where's-" Esposito stopped, cleared his throat, and tried again, "Where's Kevin?" Her lips trembled as she raised her head to look at him.

"Gone," she murmured, nearly to herself.

"Gone where?" he pressed gently.

"I don't..I don't know. He just drove, and.." Silent tears cascaded down her cheeks. It was obvious that she couldn't be pressed for any more questions, but Javier needed answers. He was painfully torn. He'd glimpsed the destruction in the kitchen on the way in.

"Jenny?" She didn't look up, and he tried again.

"Jenny? Could you..could you look at me please?" She did, just for a moment, and the pain in her eyes was heartbreaking.

"Did..did he..hit you?" The words rung impossibly loud in his ears. He'd never thought he'd have to ask such a question..and yet..

"Jenny?"

"Yes."


	2. We Are Broken

_**A/N: Just playing around with this, seeing where I can go. Still stuck with a block, so give it time. A little fighting between best friends? We'll have to see ;) Your's till the wheels fall off.**_

"_**With my wide eyes, I've seen worlds that don't belong. My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize."-Paramore**_

Ryan

Detective Kevin Ryan drummed his fingers on the dash while his mind raced on without him. He was already an hour late; they would call soon if they hadn't already. He reached for his phone, but a small voice in his head reminded him that he'd left it at the house the night before. He brought a fist down on the dash, allowing a small smile of pleasure to cross his face at the pain. It was like a small burst of reality, one where he could think clearly again. But then the moment passed and he was lost in his mind once again. The flashes refused to leave him, as did the voices. He'd never heard them before, but now it was as if they had always been by his side. And Jenny...He winced as the memories flooded him. Jenny...Kevin felt wave after wave of grief and regret hit him like a hurricane. He should-But something, no, _someone_ in his mind stopped him, told him that it was all her fault. He hadn't wanted to hit her, but if she hadn't been such a dumb bitch, it wouldn't have been necessary. He nodded rapidly. Yeah, that sounded about right. It was Jenny's fault, not his. She'd deserved everything he'd given to her. But...but no. Something sounded wrong. He shook his head. He didn't think these things. He would never talk about Jenny that way, not ever. What had they even been fighting about? Madden Night. That had to have been it. She'd wanted him to stay home. But it was Madden Night, and she had to have seen that it couldn't be missed. Only...only, she hadn't, and Kevin had been forced to set her straight. He grinned, and then it disappeared from his face. He felt entirely too conflicted to make sense of anything he was thinking about. It was like suddenly, he was two different people. He considered skipping out on work and just driving until he ran out of gas. He almost ran with the idea, but his better judgment decided to make a return, and he climbed out of the car and strode into the building.

Esposito

Detective Javier Esposito clenched and unclenched his fists rhythmically as he waited for Kevin Ryan to walk in. He was already over an hour late, and it didn't look like he would be showing up anytime soon. His phone had continued to go to voicemail. Javier yawned and toyed with the coffee cup on his desk. Last night (or really, this morning) he'd inspected as much of Jenny as he'd dared. Something still told him that this was his bro's girl, and there's just places you don't go. Her face had begun to tell the tale of the most damage, the makings of a bruise blossoming across her cheek. It'd made him want to beat the living crap out of Kevin then, and it did now as he recalled it. He'd stayed with Jenny until he managed to convince her to spend a few days with a friend while he sorted things out. This was somewhere near four A.M. He'd started to clean up, but soon found the task to be fruitless and abandoned the house, locking the door behind him. He'd driven around for two hours after that, visiting every fathomable place he imagined that Ryan could be. He turned up empty handed in each location. Finally, he'd gone home and collapsed in bed in a futile attempt at sleep. He'd only gotten a half hour, at the most. And now here he was, bleary eyed, angry, and most of all, deeply concerned for his partner. Beckett and Montgomery had obviously noted Ryan's absence and questioned Esposito, but he played dumb, as he would do until he had some answers. He had a strange feeling that Kevin would breeze through the door any second now. And he was right.

Javier saw him first. The two walked up on each other as if they hadn't laid their lives in the other's hands for as long as they had been partners. There was a tense moment where neither of them spoke. And then Javier's fist connected with Kevin's face, and Ryan's head jerked back, a fine mist of blood splattering on Esposito's face. He paid it no mind and raised his fist again. Ryan beat him to it this time, landing a good solid punch square in Javier's face before the two were pulled apart. Esposito's nose didn't break, but it throbbed violently.

"You two, in my office, now!" The voice, dangerously loud, obviously belonged to Montgomery. Javier shook off whoever was holding him back and marched through the bullpen, ignoring the horrified glances of everyone who'd witnessed the fight. He was too lost to care what they thought.

"What the hell were the two of you thinking, starting a fight in the bullpen like that? Ryan, go clean yourself up, damn it, you're bleeding all over the place!" Kevin shoved past Esposito to grab a wad of tissues, and it took nearly everything he had not to shove him clear across the room.

"I'm waiting for an answer. Tell me why I shouldn't suspend the two of you right now?"

"Go on, Javi, tell him," Kevin smirked, wiping the blood from his upper lip. Javier clenched his fists again to keep his rage in check. All he wanted to do was sit down and think. Think about what Jenny had told him, think about what they had just done to each other, think about how he could possibly hate his partner so much. Never had he ever felt so much contempt for one person. But he'd hit Jenny, and you just don't touch a girl. Especially not your own. But why was Kevin acting so unlike himself? This wasn't him; his partner didn't act this way. Esposito bit his lip and looked Montgomery in the eye.

"My fault, sir. It was a...a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding?"

"Yes." Montgomery turned to Kevin and eyed him.

"Is that right, Ryan?" Kevin hesitated for a moment, as if listening. He shook his head, and then paused again.

"Yes," he burst out, "Yes, it was a..misunderstaning. Could I..could I talk to Javier for a minute? I just-"

"The both of you get the hell out of my office. Leave. You know what, take the rest of the day off. If you two don't behave yourselves tomorrow morning, you will both be suspended immediately, no questions asked. Understood?" They nodded.

Beckett caught Javier's shoulder as he walked out.

"What happened?" He expelled a breath and shook his head, shrugging his shoulders as well.

"I..I'm not really sure right now. I'll.." But he never finished his sentence, just turned and followed Kevin from the precinct. When they got outside, their eyes did not meet. Javier stuck his hands in his pockets and turned his back, and Kevin continued to clean up his face. Neither said a word. Finally:

"Bro, I'm sorry I busted up your face." Ryan nodded and ducked his head.

"Sorry I punched you back. Hurt like hell, if that helps any." Esposito almost smiled. He did, however, turn and make eye contact with his partner.

"Where were you last night? It was-"

"Madden Night. I know," Kevin finished, shaking his head, "I just.." He looked tired. That much Javier could see. No, actually, he'd passed tired some time ago. Right now, he looked exhausted, like he might fall asleep any second.

"You punch Jenny, bro?" He gave Ryan a hard look as he waited for an answer. They kept up the eye contact while Kevin thought.

"I don't know. I can't remember." He said this truthfully. Still, Javier kept his distance.

"What's wrong?" He was genuinely concerned, something he didn't want to show. Kevin just bit his lip and walked away, leaving Javier staring after him like a lost puppy. _Or, _he thought, _like Castle._


	3. You Should Have Come Over

_**A/N: Hey everyone! Not quite sure how long I can make this, but we'll see. I'm getting a lot of new ideas, and I'm trying to see if I've got the chops to make them work. Esposito's noticing some odd things about Ryan. It looks like something's extremely wrong with his partner-like mentally wrong. But what is it? And what really did happen with Jenny? All in good time. Your's till the wheels fall off ;)**_

"_**Sometimes a man gets carried away when he feels like he should be having his fun. Much too blind to see the damage he's done, sometimes a man must awake to find that, really, he has no one."-Jeff Buckley**_

Esposito

Javier Esposito felt strangely alone as he gave up writing in frustration. He had relocated himself outside to fill out paperwork. Kevin was back at work as well, and it just didn't seem right to be near him until they figured each other out. The very few times Esposito had hurried through the bullpen, Kevin was absent from his desk too. It seemed as if the two of them had the same idea. Sighing heavily, Javier picked up his pen and resumed the tedious work, cursing himself aloud(not for the first time) for not filling out the papers at the end of his cases. He couldn't remember that far back! Without warning, his pen ran out of ink.

"Realmente?" he hissed, shaking it as if that would make it work any better, _**really? **_He scribbled again on the edge of his paper to no avail. The pen would write no more. And for some reason he could not comprehend, this nearly brought him to tears. It was only a pen. He'd just have to go inside and get a new one, that was all. No issue. So why did unshed tears burn in the detective's eyes? _Because_, he reasoned, _because I'm confused. _And he was. Utterly and Absolutely confused. He'd been over and over it, but he just couldn't seem to come to a conclusion that made sense. Jenny had tried to convince Ryan (for some Godforsaken reason) to stay home on Madden Night and spend the evening with her instead. What had been a polite argument had quickly turned into a fight for her life as Jenny had run from Ryan, dodging whatever he threw at her. _He'd just snapped,_ she had told Javier, _it was like he wasn't himself. _And then he hit her. Soon after, he'd climbed into his car and sped off in the opposite direction. Javier recalled the car that had nearly collided with him head on that night. It had been his partner. So why..he thought..why did Kevin just snap? It was totally unlike him.

"I just want you back, bro," he murmured to himself, wiping at his eyes. He stood and strode back into the building to grab a new pen.

As he walked back to his desk, Esposito recalled that he hadn't spoken to Jenny in a while. He'd promised to keep her updated, and so far, he had already forgotten. He shook his head. What good was he to her if he couldn't even remember to call? As far as he knew, Jenny and Kevin hadn't seen each other since...since that night. Javier heard her before he saw her. Incredulous, he turned the corner to find Jenny neatly tucked into Kevin's one armed embrace, smiling and talking to Beckett. He stopped a few feet short of the trio. Jenny met his eyes and then ducked her head, color blossoming on her ivory cheeks. He turned to go the other way when Kevin saw and called out to him.

"Hey, Javi?" Esposito stopped, clenched his fists, and considered walking away. Then he turned and forced the menace to dissappear from his mocha face.

"Yeah?" Beckett turned to look at Javier, and then excused herself from the conversation. She shot Esposito a worried look only he could see and squeezed his shoulder as she hurried past. Jenny examined each crack in the tile as she hid her face with her straightened sheet of blonde hair. Though she'd done a great job covering it up, Javier still spotted the blotchy bruise that stained her cheek. He bit his lip in rage and waited for Kevin to say whatever it was that he was going to say. Ryan looked confused.

"I didn't mean to call you.." He lapsed into silence. Javier focused his attention on Jenny.

"Why are you back with him? After _he hit you_?" He enunciated each word carefully, painfully driving the point home. She flinched. Kevin's gaze wavered, but he kept silent.

"We..uh, we made up. It was all just a misunderstanding?" Javier nearly laughed. He crossed his arms and studied her.

"Just a misunderstanding? Funny, because Kevin here and I had a misunderstanding the other day ourselves." Ryan seemed to snap back to reality.

"Come on, bro, just let it-" He turned on Ryan.

"You, don't even speak to me. You hit a girl, bro. That's fucked up. How'd you find her?" Javier demanded, all too aware that his voice was raising dangerously. All he needed was another run in with Montgomery.

"How. Did. You. Find. Her?" he repeated. Kevin's eyes flashed in anger, and his grip tightened on Jenny. Javier nearly missed the inaudible intake of breath. Ryan's face contorted, and for a moment, Esposito feared that he would snap again. And then he bowed his head and took a deep breath. When he looked back at his partner, he was all smiles.

"Javi, I just..look man, can we talk later? We're going to lunch." He seemed slightly sick at the very thought of eating. Javier gritted his teeth, and then smiled joylessly.

"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Whatever." Ryan grinned and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks." Esposito shrugged him off and stalked away.

Beckett

Kate watched the standoff from around the corner, Castle close behind her. Too close. As usual. The man had no awareness of boundaries. He'd missed the initial conversation with Jenny, but he'd sidled up behind her as she watched the heated exchange, nearly scaring her to death.

"Peeping? Seems like that should be my job. Oh wait, it is!" He seemed to be quite pleased with himself, and Beckett ignored him, rolling her eyes.

"You hit a girl, bro. That's fucked up.."

"Kevin hit Jenny?" The humor was gone from Castle's voice now. Beckett struggled to comprehend. She shook her head several times and then turned away. Castle trailed at her heels. She sat heavily down at her desk. If Kevin was abusing Jenny...well, she had to turn him in. That was protocol. But this, this situation..this wasn't would be a 10-16..a very personal one.

"What am I going to do?" she said quietly to herself. More importantly, what was Javier going to do? Beckett knew he had a fierce loyalty to his partner, but he had also been raised right. And if what he was accusing Kevin of was true, she wasn't about to put anything past Esposito. She knew he'd go to any lengths necessary to keep Jenny safe. Even..even if that meant hurting his partner to get there.


	4. Somebody

_**A/N: Hi guys! Let's just say that WEBMD is my best friend right now. I may be writing a little off base, but hey, creative license! A lot of people don't like this version of Ryan. I have to say, I don't either. Your guesses are getting closer, but no one's quite there yet. Not sure when I'll reveal it..Anyway, thanks for reading! Yours till the wheels fall off ;)  
><strong>_

"_**The streets are busy tonight, and I'm searching for you, waiting to brush your shoulder."-Bonnie McKee  
><strong>_

Ryan

Kevin flinched at the sunlight as he climbed out of his car. He didn't want to be here; he'd rather be at home, with Jenny. _But Jenny's not at home, _he reminded himself harshly. No, he'd tried to convince her to stay, but she's muttered some excuse and dashed off, leaving him alone. One moment he was standing in the doorway, watching her pull away, and the next he had punched his way through a glass picture frame, carving up his hand until it bled. He faintly remembered wrapping it up, but he couldn't recall much else. Kevin sighed. He hadn't wanted to punch the picture, just like he didn't want to be at work today. But he had, and he here was. He'd gone through the motions of rising and dressing, but he hadn't washed, shaved, or eaten breakfast. He never really felt hungry anymore, and he didn't feel the need to clean himself up. Something told him once again to skip work. He didn't like it. Here he was, thinking all of these things that he didn't want to think. It was like he was being controlled, and he hated it. His heart hammered at the thought. What could be controlling him? And this..thing, whatever it was that was telling him to do and say these things..where had it come from? He'd heard about this, about people hearing voices. It wasn't a good thing.

"Maybe I'll go to the doctor," he mused aloud, flexing his injured hand and then wincing in pain.

_**NO. **_The internal reply rocked him like a hurricane. Kevin flinched in fear and looked around. It was so loud, surely someone else had heard it. But that didn't seem to be the case. His lower lip trembled in fear, and he felt like he might cry. What was wrong with him? He gazed at the precinct. He'd go in and ask Montgomery for a leave of absence. And then he'd go figure out what was wrong with him, once and for all.

Esposito

Javier had given up hiding from his partner. He'd also given up worrying about him. The turn of events was moving at to dizzying a speed for him to keep up. He settled back down at his desk and stared at the computer monitor, waiting for something to happen. It was such a slow week, it was nearly unbearable. He was almost finished with his paperwork, and soon he'd have nothing to do. Castle and Beckett were at Kate's desk, going over something or the other. A faint smile touched his lips. They should stop fooling themselves and go the hell out, already. Castle's hopeless affection was sickening. Kevin trudged through the bullpen, pulled off his coat, and collapsed into his chair. Not for the first time recently, Javier cursed the close proximity of their desks. He noted the white bandage on his partner's hand and straightened up. Kevin seemed to sense that he was being watched and raised his eyes slowly to meet Javier's eyes. He kept silent and looked away, but not before Javier could catch the guilt in his shining blue eyes.

"What'd you do to your hand, bro?"

"...I, uh-"

"You hit Jenny again?" he accused. Kevin's head jerked up, and too many emotions flashed across his face before he spoke. Furious anger, guilt, confusion, and sadness.

"Javier, please, it was a mistake. One mistake. I-"

"A _mistake_? Slapping your fiancee was a _mistake_?" Esposito whispered angrily. Kevin buried his head in his hands and took a shuddering breath. When he spoke again, he spoke without emotion.

"No. I guess it wasn't. I..punched a wall yesterday, okay? That's what happened. I punched a wall." He turned away and rested his head on his palm. Javier glared at his back, heart still pounding from the almost argument. Castle and Beckett stood in front of Esposito's desk.

"Kevin," they said in unison. He raised a weak hand in their direction as Kate glared at Rick. Javier nodded at them.

"Esposito, can I talk to you for a minute?" He shoved up and followed her from the bullpen. They walked into an empty interrogation room. Castle sat beside Beckett, and Esposito said across from the pair.

"Lover's quarrel?" Rick asked, kicking back in his chair.

"Okay Castle, out," Beckett said, pointing to the door.

"But I-"

"Out!"

"Fine," he sighed dramatically, "I can see I'm not wanted here."

_Damn right, _Javier thought. They waited until the door shut behind Castle. Beckett turned back to him.

"Javier, tell me. Everything." He chewed his lip for a moment. Then,

"Why?" She sighed and drummed her fingers on the tabletop.

"Because..Kevin's in trouble, isn't he?" He nodded.

"So tell me."

"Jenny called-" he started, but trailed off when Beckett held up a hand. She hurled an abandoned notepad at the two-way. A distant thump sounded from the other side.

"Castle, when I said go away, I actually meant _away._"

"Correction: you said get out. Technically-"

"Technically, you're a pain in my ass. Why don't you go write something in Montgomery's office?" There was a silence, and then:

"Point taken." Beckett rolled her eyes at the ceiling and then waited for a moment before signaling for Javier to continue.

"Okay, look Beckett, you have to swear, right now, that you're not going to tell anyone."

"I promise." she nodded.

"That means Castle, too." she hesitated, and he banged the desk in frustration.

"How much does he know?"

"He heard the argument in the hall yesterday-"

"He heard the argument? Damn it! Just..just look, don't tell Montgomery, okay? You have to promise." And he sounded so broken, so afraid, that Beckett nodded earnestly, willing to do anything.

"Okay." And so he explained.


	5. These Walls

_**A/N: Hi everyone! A DOUBLE UPDATE? Insanity. But I'm making up for the short one I just posted a while ago. Hope you're enjoying the story, and thanks for reading and reviewing. You guys are awesome! So Ryan's taking a little break to figure himself out, and Esposito and Jenny are trying to find out what's wrong. Beckett promised not to inform anyone, but she's having second thoughts. We'll see what happens next. (I'm really not liking what's written for Esposito in this chapter, very boring to me.) Yours till the wheels fall off ;)  
><strong>_

"_**I can't believe what is in front of me, the water's rising up to my knees, and I can't figure out how the hell I wound up here. Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day, then the rain came pouring down, and now I'm drowning in my fears."-Teddy Geiger  
><strong>_

Esposito

He waited for Jenny and toyed with his half-empty coffee cup. They had arranged a meeting so that Javier could talk with her about what he had learned. (Which, really, was nothing.)

"Javier?" She whispered his name, looking like she was mere seconds from falling apart.

"Jenny." He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight for a few moments. They sat.

"Did you eat? Do you want something-"

"No," Jenny shook her head rapidly. Javier cocked his head to the side and studied her. Already, she seemed to have gotten smaller. It had only been a few days.

"Have you been eating?" She didn't respond, just tugged on the sleeves of her oversized sweatshirt nervously.

"Jenny," he pressed in concern. She took a breath and flicked her gaze up to him for a moment.

"I..no. But I'm not hungry!" she rushed, seeing Javier raise his hand to signal a waiter over.

"I don't care. You're going to eat something." Mistakenly, he'd sounded too harsh, and cringed himself when he saw Jenny flinch.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. She nodded to herself.

"It's fine. You're..you're fine." The waiter came, and Javier ordered for the both of them. When the waiter had gone to place their orders, Jenny picked up her glass of water and chewed her lip.

"Did you find anything out?" Her voice was quiet, almost silent. Regretfully, he shook his head.

"No. And I'm sorry," he said meaningfully.

"Well, is he coming to work?" Esposito nodded.

"Yeah. Everyday. But..he's different." Jenny blinked.

"Like angry?"

"Like angry," he agreed. She picked up her fork and studied it as Esposito glanced down at his lap. Then she spoke again.

"Did the two of you have a fight?" He looked up.

"What?"

"You and Kevin. Did you fight, or is there some case..?" Javier tapped his fingers on the table as he thought back to the last case they'd wrapped up. It had been at least a week and a half, maybe two weeks before everything had happened. It hadn't been anything special, just a cut and dry armed robbery case.

"No, we never fought before. Not about anything serious. And our last case was just an armed robbery thing.."

"Oh. I just thought.." Neither knew what to say. The food came, but neither ate. Jenny pushed a piece of broccoli restlessly around her plate.

"Have you talked to your parents?" Javier asked her. She dropped her fork, and it clattered to the floor. She made no move to pick it up.

"Yeah. On..on the phone."

"Do they-"

"They don't," she said firmly.

"Okay. And you're still staying with a friend."

"Yes...Javier, the other day. I-I'm sorry-" His hand reached out and held her's captive.

"Don't ever apologize. Ever. Okay?" She took a shaky breath.

"Okay." Esposito speared his chicken with his fork, but he didn't eat it. He watched her take the smallest bite of her sandwich.

"What happened?" he asked. He couldn't help but ask.

"He was..off, you know? Distant. He didn't eat."

"Did he..?"

"Oh, God. No. No, he didn't touch me. It's just.." she sighed weakly and pushed away from the table, standing up, "It's just like I don't know him anymore. I was..I _am_ going to marry him. Or I'm supposed to anyway. And it's like he's this completely different person. And I miss the Kevin I used to know. He was awkward sometimes, but I thought that was cute. But now..Javier, I don't know if I can still marry him. I must sound like this terrible person..maybe it's my fault. I mean, I tried-" In a moment of insane passion, Javier pulled her to him and pressed his lips onto her's, purely to stop her from speaking. Jenny resisted, and then she melted against him. Then Esposito realized what he had done and jerked back.

"Ay Dios Mio..shit. Pardoname, Jenny. I don't know what I was-" he turned away and ducked his head into his palms, _**Oh my God..forgive me**_. He'd gone and shattered the bro code.

"Javier, don't..look at me, please." He did. Jenny didn't look angry.

"It's okay-"

"No," he shook his head, "No, it isn't. I shouldn't have-"

"Don't ever apologize. Ever. Okay?" she repeated his words and cracked a rare smile. He returned it sadly.

"Yeah. Okay."

One Week Later

Ryan

_Get up._

"Huh?" Kevin questioned the darkness, waking suddenly from his deep sleep. Before he'd started the medication, he hadn't slept much. (Though, to be fair, he hadn't moved around much either.) He blinked in an attempt to clear his vision and listened for whatever had woken him.

_Get up._

"Huh?" he murmured again. There was no one in the house with him. He jerked up suddenly, and his stomach clenched. The medication made him sick as well. There were so many side effects that went along with the thing that he couldn't remember what it was supposed to do. What was it called, anyway? D..DHE..? DHE something. Thinking about it made his head hurt.

_Get up. _This time Kevin listened, though he rose slowly as to not upset his stomach again. He couldn't remember how many times the pills had made him sick, but he vaguely did remember collapsing on the cold tile floor next to the toilet. It might have had something to do with his lack of food. In the past week alone, he'd only eaten two bowls of soup and three oranges. (Which, compared to how he used to eat, was nothing.) But it wasn't like he'd had much time to eat, either. He'd been in and out of the hospital, stayed overnight sometimes, gone to some other doctors, and had finally gotten the pills the day before. And already, he hated them. Still dressed in the same clothes he'd been wearing for a few days now, Kevin carefully avoided the broken glass in the hall and padded into the kitchen for a glass of water. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and froze. No wonder they'd thought he was crazy; he certainly looked the part. Because he hadn't bothered shaving, he was beginning to grow a terrible mustache and beard. His hair was unkempt and wild, and he was willing to bet that he smelled as bad as he looked. He shook his head. He was due to take another dose-

_Don't take it. _Where was the voice-oh. His reflection.

"Why shouldn't I?" Ryan didn't expect it to respond.

_Because I told you not to. It's what _they _want._ Kevin gulped.

"They? Who's they?" His voice came out choked, panicked.

"Tell me or I'll take it." There was no reply.

"TELL ME!" Kevin begged, slamming his hands against the mirror. He stormed across the kitchen and struggled with the top of the pill bottle. He shook one out and downed it dry, fighting with himself to keep it down. He shuffled back to the mirror and smirked at it.

"Asshole," he murmured. And then he shook his sleeve over his other fist and punched through the glass. He didn't stop until his reflection was no longer visible and his hand was bleeding. _Well_, he thought wrly, _at least they match._


	6. Changes

**_A/N: Hello everyone! So, has anyone guessed what's wrong with Kevin yet? Things look like they're back to normal...or as normal as they can get., anyway. But looks _can_ be deceiving. I've done some planning, and this fandom will be exactly ten chapters long. This is six, so there's only four left! Thanks for reading and all your reviews! Yours till the wheels fall off ;)  
><em>**

"_**So the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same..."-David Bowie  
><strong>_

Esposito

Kevin hadn't been in for a week, and everyone at the precinct had noticed it. Montgomery seemed to be the only one who had any information, and he wisely kept silent. Javier and Jenny had been playing awkward phone tag since their mistaken kiss. And though Beckett seemed to be struggling, she had kept up her end of the deal and said nothing. And Castle..Castle was just being Castle, and that was all Esposito could hope for. And then Kevin walked through the precinct doors. His partner was shaved, combed, and as well dressed as he had always been. He smiled easily and exchanged a few words with everyone as he made his way to his desk. He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at Javier.

"Look, bro, I'm really sorry. I want to..I want to talk. Is that cool?" For what seemed like the millionth time, Esposito was terribly torn. Half of him wanted to walk away and never talk to his partner again. The other half wanted to wrap him in a bear hug and never let go. Javier cleared his throat and gazed at the ground for a moment before he nodded, reluctantly at first, and then more assured.

"Yeah."

"Interrogation?"

"Interrogation." 

They sat across from each other and stared in different directions.

"Javi, I'm sorry, man. I..I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. And I know," he rushed on, seeing Javier open his mouth to interrupt, "I know that you don't want to hear it. I know there's no excuses for what I did. I mean...I _hit_ Jenny bro. I _hit_ her. What the hell was I even thinking? I don't understand..We put people like that _away, _man. I just..whatever it is, I think I have it under control, you know? It's..taken care of."

"What's taken care of?" Javier whispered, knowing he was wearing his heart out on his sleeve and hating himself for it. He pressed on regardless.

"What is it, bro? You know you can tell me. I just want to know you're okay. Because this...this thing with Jenny, the fist fight..this isn't you. And I just want you back, you get me?" Esposito's voice broke on the last sentence, and he hid his face in shame. Never had he been this open with anyone. Never. Yet here he was, about ready to burst into tears in front of his partner. Never had either of them cried in front of each other. Not even when they'd been taken hostage. Never.

"Javi.." Kevin sounded close to tears himself, "Javi, I wish I could tell you. I _want_ to tell you. But..I can't."

"Yes you can!" Javier raged suddenly, standing and slamming his vacated chair into the table. Kevin flinched and rose too.

"Javier, please, just-"

"Do you not trust me? You can tell me anything, brother, and you _know_ that. What makes this so different? Are you..are you okay?" They now stood at opposite ends of the interrogation room, nearly shouting at each other. But they yelled out of sadness and confusion, not anger. Kevin reached out, and then took his hand back.

"Javier.." The sad truth was, Esposito was overwhelmed with guilt. He saw Kevin's eyes, he saw that he was truly sorry, that he was ready to start over. And yet..his kiss with Jenny replayed over and over in his mind, and he could do nothing to stop it.

"You said," Esposito began shakily, "You said you would be with me until the wheels fell off. That's what you _said._"

"And I meant it. And I still do," Kevin whispered.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Ryan took a shuddering breath and rubbed his face with his palms.

"I need time. Is that okay? I just need time." Javier shook his head. Kevin's breath caught, and Javier saw him struggle.

"Are you okay?" Esposito rushed to his partner's side, but Ryan waved him off.

"I'm fine," he said, sitting heavily back down in his chair. But he didn't look fine. He looked like he was about to be sick. Javier couldn't help but wonder if this was what was wrong with Kevin. Was he really sick? Was something physically, no, mentally wrong with his friend? Would he be okay?

"What do you want me to get?" Esposito asked anxiously, ready to run for anything.

"Nothing," Ryab waved him off.

"Don't tell me that. What do I need to get you?" Kevin seemed to consider. Then,

"Water."

"Water?"

"Yes."

"That's it?"

"Javier," Kevin warned.

"I'm going. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Bro, I'm not gonna die. Relax." Though he wasn't about to say it, that was exactly what Javier was afraid of. 

Ryan

He watched Javier sprint from the interrogation room. The conversation had taken all of his energy. But, he had to admit, he was feeling better. Or had been, anyway. The medicine was upsetting his stomach again. Stupidly, he'd seemed to have gotten his appetite back, and he'd downed an entire box of cereal that morning. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to want to stay down. He swallowed and bowed his head. The conversation between him and his partner replayed itself in his mind. Javier had been so caught up in figuring out what was wrong that he hadn't noticed that Kevin had injured his other hand. Ryan studied it. Most of the time he didn't notice the pain. But, most of the time (Before today, anyway) he seemed to be in a haze. This morning had been the first time that he actually felt.._normal. _He'd cleaned himself up, and sweeped up all of the broken glass throughout the house. He had been feeling great. Kevin's stomach clenched suddenly, and he willed his Cherrios to stay down. They didn't seem to want to listen. He made it to the trash can at the last second. He was terribly breathless afterwards, and the room seemed to spin. He moaned weakly and rested his head against the cool floor. Maybe if he just closed his eyes-

_Stay awake_ the ever-present voice commanded him.

"No," he murmured, quietly at first, and then louder, until he was chanting his defiance at the top of his lungs, "NO, NO, NO, NO!" He jammed his hands over his ears, upset stomach forgotten. Silent tears streamed down his face as he fought for control of his mind. The door slammed open, and Javier strode purposefully in. He dropped the water bottle when he caught sight of his fallen partner. Kevin could hear nothing over his own tortured chants. He saw Esposito turn toward the open door and yell something. _Probably help_, he thought dreamily, _ayudame. _Then he stopped fighting. His last memory was of Javier gathering him in his arms like a child. And then everything stopped, and Detective Kevin Ryan saw no more.


	7. Stupid

_**A/N: Hi everyone! We're getting closer and closer to the end. You didn't think I would leave you hanging, did you? Not with Ryan collapsing in his partner's arms! By the way, there is no Esplanie at this point. They aren't dating yet. That would just make this whole thing like a soap opera. AND: the key to Kevin's condition is in the medication he's being prescribed. ;) The end is just three chapters away. I hope you'll stay with me. Thanks for the faithful reads and reviews. Yours till the wheels fall off ;)  
><strong>_

"_**I left the engine running, I just came to see, what you would do if I gave you a chance to make things right.."-Rihanna  
><strong>_

Esposito

Javier paced back in forth in anger outside of his partner's hospital room. He wanted, no, _needed_ to see him. But he _couldn't. _No one was allowed in; no friends, and no family. The curtains were drawn tight, and the doctor would tell him nothing. But Montgomery, Lanie, Castle, and Beckett were there, and somehow that made it a little more bearable. They kept vigil in the waiting area and left Esposito alone with his thoughts in the bustling hallway. Drained, he sat against the wall, rubbing his overworked eyes with his palms. He remembered their last conversation and swallowed hard. Kevin hadn't been ready to talk, not then, but Javier had pushed him anyway. Maybe it was his fault that he'd collapsed. Maybe he'd pushed him past the breaking point. Maybe...he shook his head. No, he was being stupid. He was doing the exact same thing he'd told Jenny not to do: he was blaming himself for something he could not control.

"Is he okay?" Jenny asked breathlessly, looking down at Javier. He jumped up and looked behind him.

"I-I don't know. They won't tell me anything."

"You haven't been in?" He shook his head ruefully.

"They won't let me."

"Maybe I-"

"Nope. No one in. Not even family." Jenny nodded and nibbled on her bottom lip. Javier crossed his arms, then uncrossed them, and then stuck them in his pocket. To say he felt awkward would be a bit of an understatement. Jenny reached out and touched his shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked softly. Esposito refused to meet her eyes.

"He came back today, and we went into the interrogation room to talk. At first, we _were_ talking, and then.." She waited patiently for him to continue on.

"And then..I don't even know how it happened, but we were yelling, and then all of a sudden he just looked really bad, you know? Like he was gonna pass out. I went to go get him water, and when I came back..." Javier blinked hard and swallowed. He hadn't gotten around to processing what he'd seen, but now that he was talking about it, it was as if he was reliving the whole thing all over again. His hands trembled in some sort of fear as he remembered how..._unhinged_ Ryan had been. He'd been rocking back and forth and covering his ears, shouting at something Javier couldn't see.

"When you came back," Jenny urged anxiously. He took a breath.

"When I came back, it was like he'd completely lost it. He was yelling 'no' so loud I thought everyone at the 12th could hear it. I don't know who he was talking to..it was like he was talking to himself..or hearing things."

"Oh," Jenny dropped her hand and turned away, covering her mouth to mask the sound of her desperate tears.

"Dios..I didn't mean to upset you Jenny. I shouldn't have told you. Pido disculpas," he murmured, _**I apologize. **_She said nothing, simply forced her way into his arms. Their past awkwardness melted away as they held each other tight against the crushing feeling of change and failing relationships.

Ryan

Kevin shifted restlessly in his hospital bed, trying in vain to burn the images from his foggy mind. They'd switched him onto another medicine, Zyprexa or something of the sort. He couldn't really remember, but he must have consented, because he was disoriented in a way that the other pill hadn't caused. He'd only been on it for an hour or two, but already he was dizzy, groggy, and thirsty as hell. But of course, because his life seemed to have become a giant paradox, he wasn't in any shape to drink anything. He clearly remembered it taking four or five tries to get the pill to stay down. He also remembered seeing Javier cuddle with Jenny. _Right in front of him_. How _dare_ he? How dare he accuse Kevin of not telling the whole truth when he sure hadn't been either? Something hinted that this hadn't been the first time they'd touched. How could they be so _stupid_? Did they think he really wouldn't see? Sure, he'd been falling in and out of sleep for a while now, and sure, the curtains were closed, but he'd still _seen. _The nurse had opened them up because the doctor had decided it was okay for him to have visitors. Not that he wanted any. He was in no shape to see anyone, let alone talk to _those_ two. His anger boiled in his veins, dangerously close to spilling over. He wanted his revenge, and he wanted it _now. _But..and then he stopped thinking. His head hurt too much.

_I can help. _Ryan moaned inwardly and covered his eyes with his forearm.

"I thought the pills were supposed to make you go _away,_" he hissed.

_The pills aren't strong enough. Don't take them, I already told you..it's what _they_ want._

"Who's they?" Kevin demanded, knowing he'd asked the same thing before with little to no response.

_Javier and Jenny. Look of the two of them. They look like lovers._

"Stop it," Kevin sighed, feeling some relief as the medicine finally seemed to do what it was supposed to.

_No. I bet you he's had his hands all over her from the moment she came running to him. Look at her smile. She's never smiled at you that way, has she?_ Ryan watched as the two of them disentangled themselves from each other and shoot a panicked glance into the room. He quickly closed his eyes and feigned sleep. But not before he'd seen the love in their eyes. (Or so he thought.)

_Are you ready to listen?_ He was.

Esposito

They were allowed to see him. And...they were pretty sure that he'd seen_ them_. But Ryan looked asleep, and peacefully so. Jenny whirled around to face Javier.

"You go. Talk to him." His heart hammered at the idea. What would he say? They'd tried talking earlier, and it'd landed his partner here. He communicated this to Jenny, who just shook her head and gave him a gentle push into the room.

"I'll go..after you..maybe," she faltered. Javier squared his shoulders and marched in. _Just like going into battle, _he thought, _just like it. _Ryan was propped up against a tall pile of white pillows, his head lolled slightly to the right. His breathing was slow and even..but he was faking it. Javier could easily tell. This hurt him almost like a physical blow. Did he really not want to talk? Esposito stood next to his friend and laid his hand over his.

"Kevin, I know you're not asleep. But..I know you don't want to talk. It's okay. I guess you blame me for landing you here, huh? It _is_ my fault, and you've got every right..every right to blame me. Just..Jenny wants to see you next. Be good to her, huh? You worry her," Javier stooped down to briefly press his lips against his partner's cheek, "Dormir bien," he whispered, turning to leave, _**sleep well.  
><strong>_

Ryan

He waited until Javier left to open his eyes. And then he saw Jenny, _his_ Jenny, stride into the room. Even in jeans and an oversized long sleeve shirt, she was still the angel she'd always been. His heart swelled when he noted that she still wore her ring. But then he remembered what he had to do. At least he wouldn't have to pretend. She stopped a foot or two shy of the bed, and Kevin reached for her.

"Jenny," he said. She bit her lip in consideration and then took his hand. He rubbed her palm with his thumb, hating the way she flinched on contact.

_Stay strong. _Right. He had to be strong. He raised his crystal eyes to hers and smiled weakly.

"Hi."

"Hi." She only met his gaze for a moment, but that was long enough. He already had her. Now all he needed was to convince her.

"Jenny..I'm so sorry. About everything. About scaring you, about the house, about..about hitting you..I can't even believe I'm saying all this. Look," he squeezed her hand just a little bit tigher, "Look, I understand..I understand if you don't want to marry me anymore. You have every right to say no. I don't want to force you-" Jenny pressed one cool fingertip to his lips, blinking back tears. Some part of him wanted to cry as well.

"Kevin, don't talk like that.." she was about to break.

"Jenny..I love you." And she was his again.

"I love you too, Kevin." 

Montgomery

He strode back into the waiting area and sank into his chair, the one he'd taken a few down from Beckett and Castle. The way they said, heads together, made him smile. Their relationship was..complicated, to say the least. They'd certainly had their ups and downs, but never had they abandoned each other. He studied Lanie, who sat closest to the corner of the room, looking around the corner every two seconds to see if Javier was coming, no doubt. Montgomery wasn't stupid, he'd seen the looks she shot him. Most of the time, Javier returned them. But recently, all of his attention had been on Ryan. He sighed silently to himself. Javier and Kevin; the two biggest troublemakers he'd ever encountered while working on the force. Only the two of them could nearly break the law in ways no one had ever thought possible and kid their way out of it. He knew he'd have to sit down and talk to Esposito. Ryan, too. And probably Castle and Beckett, because they seemed to know something that maybe he did not. He and the doctor had talked, and things were not looking good for Ryan. With such a disease...well, Montgomery just didn't know what to do. He couldn't have Kevin breaking down every time they went out on a case. He'd figure something out..all in good time, of course. Esposito rounded the corner, and Montgomery rose to meet him.

"Javier? Let's talk."


	8. Don't Stand So Close To Me

**_A/N: Hi everyone! Looks like I planned too many chapters out. I think 9 will be a short chapter, but we'll worry about that when we get there. Does everyone know what's wrong with Kevin now? Everything is not what it seems in this chapter, so _be careful what you assume_! We're so close to the end. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yours till the wheels fall off ;)_**

"_**Temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry. Wet bus stop, she's waiting, his car is warm and dry.."-The Police**_

Esposito

Javier's breathing came in short gasps as he sprinted through the rain. Fittingly, the thunderstorm had appeared right after his talk with Montgomery. He hadn't told Esposito what exactly was wrong with Kevin, but he had hinted that he wasn't sure Ryan could continue to do his job effectively. Javier had taken the hint for what it really was: Montgomery was speaking of taking Kevin's job. Javier had pleaded with him, begged him to keep him on the force. He'd suggested that maybe Kevin could stay and do paperwork. Esposito offered to stay with him; he wasn't about to leave Ryan behind. Life on the force just wouldn't be the same without him. But Montgomery had stood firm, and Javier had stormed out, like a temperamental child who hadn't gotten his way. And that's when the thunderstorm started. The rain fell like heavy sheets of glass, and he was drenched in seconds. He began a run to his car..and then he ran past it. Castle had driven it here for him, as Javier had ridden in the ambulance. The refreshing scent of the rain seemed to aid greatly in clearing his head. He didn't know what exactly was wrong with Kevin, but he could guess. Hearing voices, that was...what was that thing called? Started with an S...He shook his head. He'd look it up later. Maybe. He slowed down as he passed the bus stop. It wasn't the booth kind, but a simple bench with a schedule nailed above it. He saw the blonde hair before he registered who it was. And when he did, he stopped running completely.

"Jenny?" She didn't seem to hear him over the roll of thunder. He stopped in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Jenny!" he repeated. She jumped, eyes wide, and then relaxed when she saw it was him. She still turned her face, though. Javier knew she was crying, but the rain washed the tears away.

"What are you doing out here?" Jenny shrugged and shivered beneath her soaked shirt.

"You're going to catch a cold," Javier commented. She didn't respond.

"What is it?" he asked softly. Or as softly as he could, considering the volume of the storm going on around them. She knotted her hands and twisted the ring around her finger.

"He apologized.." she began. Javier opened his mouth to say something along the lines of, _well, that's the least he can do_, but then she went on.

"He told me I didn't have to marry him. And..he told me he loved me. I don't know what to do. I just can't.." She simply gave up speaking, at a total loss for words.

"Did you say you would? And did you..you know..?"

"Yes," she whispered, ashamed. The roll of thunder seemed to steal her voice. Esposito didn't k now what to say to that, so he just sat there beside her in the rain, feeling a slight chill as his sopping wet clothes clung to his body. Finally:

"Do you?" Jenny raised her head and looked at him.

"Do I what?"

"Love him. Do you really love him?" Javier wasn't sure exactly what he would gain by her response. If she did, well, then she was helpless. Because as much as Esposito hated to admit it, if he hits once, he would do it again. And if she didn't...she was still Ryan's girl, even if they broke off the engagement. Every time he'd see her, he'd think of his partner, and that wouldn't do. He shook his head as if to shake out the terrible thoughts. It was just..everything had him so confused. He didn't know _what_ to think anymore.

"I think...I think I just said it so that he would be okay, you know? So that he would have some kind of peace. I haven't...seen him since...And I don't know, I just wanted to know that he was okay. I mean, I know that he wasn't the strongest guy in the world, but in that hospital bed..he just looked so frail, like he would break. It was just like nothing even mattered anymore, not what he'd done...not what we'd done, I'd just wanted things to go back to normal. But then it passed. Whatever's got him..he's not strong enough to fight it back. You're the strong one, Javier," she told him, "Kevin loved you for that, you know. He depended on you. And you never let him down." Esposito was already shaking his head before she'd finished speaking.

"I did let him down. When he and Castle were abducted. When he and I.." But here he faltered; that memory was too raw. Jenny's hand found his.

"You never did, Javier. Never. You're strong in a way that he wasn't..isn't. That's why you two are partners. That's why I can't marry him." His head whipped over to look at her. Jenny was strong and sure as she removed her engagement ring and stuck it in her pocket.

"I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend that I love Kevin when all he wants to do is to hurt me. To hurt you." She stood.

"Can you drive me home?" At a loss for words, all Javier could do was nod.

They drove in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Javier's mind was still spinning. Jenny and Kevin wouldn't marry...what did that mean for him? And more importantly, what did that mean for his partner. It was like all of a sudden even the smallest thing could set Ryan off. How would he react to something like this, especially when Jenny had already told him that they would still be married? And what was Javier thinking, wondering what this meant for him? It meant nothing. Like he'd said, engagement or no engagement, he was still Ryan's girl. He snuck a glance in her direction. Even soaking wet, lazy blonde curls flattened out and matted against her face, she was one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever seen. But why the sudden feelings? He'd never thought about her this way before. He was confused, he decided. He didn't know what he wanted..and neither did Jenny. Of course, that didn't mean Javier wanted her to marry Kevin. Not after he'd raised a hand to her. But their kiss, their shared embrace outside Ryan's room..it was too much. And it sure as hell wasn't right. When he dropped Jenny off, he would tell her as much. He shook himself out of his reverie and pulled into the driveway.

"You haven't been here since.." She shook her head.

"Are you sure I can't take you somewhere else? Back to your friend, or...?"

"No...I only want to spend one more night here. Then I'll start packing up. Then..then I'll move out," Jenny said, mostly like she was trying to psych herself up. Javier turned off the engine and faced her.

"Do you want me to come in with you? I'll help clean up." So much for telling her that being anywhere near her was dangerous.

"Yeah," she smiled a little, reaching for the door, "Just to make sure it's okay."

The house was okay. In fact, it looked like Kevin had cleaned it up. Except for the kitchen. Jenny gasped when she saw the empty mirror. The glass had been cleared away, save for a few shards that had hung onto the backing.

"Did he do this? Did he hurt himself? Oh God.." Javier saw her stumble, and he reached out and caught her at the last moment. She grabbed onto the counter and steadied herself.

"I can't let him do this to me. I can't. I'm leaving. I'm going to move out, and then..it'll be okay." She didn't look like she believed a word she was saying. Javier watched, observing, and wishing he wasn't. He wanted to be anywhere but here, doing anything but watching his best friend's girl fall apart. He didn't want to have these conflicting feelings, the ones telling him to kiss her, and the others telling him to walk out the door. Jenny shivered.

"You need to change your clothes," he told her, looking away. Though he didn't see, she smiled sadly.

"Kevin and I had a night like this once. We'd gotten caught in the rain, and...never mind," she muttered, turning away from him. From the way her shoulders shook, Esposito knew she was sobbing.

"Jenny..." He put a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to him, hiding herself beneath his soaked jacket. He rubbed her back awkwardly. And then she kissed him. He pulled away.

"Jenny, don't do this. Not with me. You don't want me, this is just a rebound. You still love him, I know you do." He was expecting a slap, and when it didn't come, he looked down at her.

"No I don't," she said at last. He didn't want to argue. He was too tired, too wet, too confused to get into it with her tonight. She kissed him again, softer this time.

"Don't leave," she begged.

"I have to work in the morning." She pressed her lips against his cheek.

"I do, Jenny. I need sleep." Her lips found his again, longer this time, and Javier's will was coming closer and closer to breaking. He tried one last time.

"No, Jenny. Stop. I have to go. I'm leaving." But he didn't leave. He went upstairs. And so did Jenny. 

Ryan

Because his car was still at the precinct, Kevin had walked all the way home from the hospital. He hadn't exactly been released; they still wanted to run more tests. But he was tired of being tested. Something told him Jenny would be home, and he wanted to see her. Needed to, for this to work. A little of his old self faltered, but its weak protest was ignored. As he rounded the corner, he saw Esposito hustle out of his house, wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing the night before. Kevin recognized the look well; each had had their fair share of the walk of shame. As his car sped off in the opposite direction, something within Kevin snapped. He'd had sex with Jenny. _His girl. _He wanted to go after him and end him, right there in the 12th. But he took a deep breath. He'd end them both. Tonight.


	9. Ain't No Easy Way

_**A/N: EEK! Almost our last chapter here guys. Some of you have already guessed Kevin's disease correctly! Way to Google ;) I think the length of this chapter might be a little short so that the last one can be longest. And sorry the last one was all in italics? Haha. Jenny never thought that a day like this would come..and neither did Javier. Are you ready? Yours till the wheels fall off ;)**_

"_**It's easy to fall in love.. When you've run your luck you know you're done. And the last kiss had fool's cost, now your tired eyes can only haunt."-Black Rebel Motorcycle Club**_

Ryan

Kevin had sat outside and watched the day slip slowly into the night. Jenny hadn't gone out, and Ryan hadn't left his post outside the window. Once or twice he'd been tempted to sleep, but his guide had snapped him back to attention. Finally, though, his watch told him that it was going on eigth o'clock, and he stood, stretching, his wrinkled shirt riding up to expose the gun tucked into his waistband. He made his way around to the front door and became a little more than agitated when he realized that it was locked. Taking a deep breath, he tried the bell.

"I'm coming!" At the sound of her voice, he almost turned and walked away. Because once Jenny opened the door, there would be no going back.

_Stay. _He did. The door swung open, and Jenny's initial smile immediately became a frown. She took an instinctive step back and moved the close the door.

"K-kevin? What are y-you doing here? I..I thought you were at..at the hospital?" She stumbled over her sentence pathetically. Part of him wondered what he had ever seen in her. The other wanted to wrap his arms around her, kiss her, and forget the entire nightmare. Instead, he shrugged.

"They released me." She nodded absently and shifted from foot to foot restlessly.

"Can I come _in_?" he asked, slight edge creeping into his voice. Jenny swallowed and carefully avoided his eyes.

"I don't know, Kevin. It..I..maybe later?" She moved to close the door, and he stuck his foot in it, forcing his expression into one of desperation.

"Jenny, please. I just..I want to talk more. Can..could you please let me in?" Kevin was wearing her down, he could easily see that now. Just a few more magic words, and he would be in.

"Maybe..maybe we could go somewhere else? Somewhere..more open?"

"You mean more public. So I won't hurt you," he sounded wounded as he drew this conclusion, only half faking it, "I really messed up, didn't I? You're scared to be alone with me. Where did we go wrong? I mean, I know..I just.."

_Turn. _But Kevin hesitated a moment more. But what if...

_Turn and walk away. _He did.

_Now wait. _It came quicker than he thought it would.

"Alright, come in. Just..hurry." He smiled a little to himself before he dropped it and turned to go inside. Jenny closed the door behind him and turned around.

"What do you-" Kevin pushed her against the wall and pinned her with one hand. His lips worked on hers as his hand searched for what he needed. She pulled harshly away and spat, struggling.

"Kevin! Let go! What are you doing?" she sobbed, still trying to escape his grasp.

"I'm sorry, Jenny. I don't want to do this. Just hold still." With one hand, he slid the cuff over her wrist and clicked it shut. The other was fastened on himself. She looked at the cuff in horror, and then stared at him.

"Kevin, please, don't," she begged through her tears, "Just give me the keys. Give me the keys, and no one has to-" As cliche as it was, Kevin opened his mouth and dropped the key in. He saw her watch in terror as he swallowed it. Pressing himself against her again, he took the gun from his pants and pressed it against her stomach. She flinched on contact and fought harder.

"Jenny, don't fight me. Please. You can't get away." With shaking hands, he slid the gun up her shirt until it came to a rest on her sternum, nestled right between her breasts. The mouth was pointed to her chin.

"If you move," she tried to break free again, and Ryan pushed her back against the wall, "If you move, this bullet is going to go straight through your brain. And I don't want to hurt you, Jenny. Just don't move," he whispered, clicking the safety off. She whimpered as he let her go. She stood still.

"Good. I'm sorry," he murmured, stroking her hair, "So sorry..."

Esposito

Javier's thoughts had been with Jenny all day. He'd left her in a difficult situation that morning. When they'd gone upstairs, he'd forced her to shower and get into bed. He'd watched her sleep, and then he'd slept downstairs himself. That was it. They hadn't kissed again, and they sure hadn't gone to bed together. Though he had broken many of them, there were still boundaries. He'd spoken to her when he was at lunch, and she'd been fine. He'd also called the hospital, but they were busy and hadn't picked up. He'd considered driving by, but had decided against it. Maybe all he and Ryan needed was space. So he'd stayed at the precinct. But now, his cell rang. Seeing Jenny's name, he looked around, and then took it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...n-nothing. Could you..I need you to come over," her voice trembled, and he shot up.

"Jenny, who's there? What's the matter?" He heard her take a deep breath over the phone and hesitate.

"I'm alone. But..I need to see you...I _want_ to see you.." she seemed to wrestle with herself for a moment before she continued on, "I miss you." Something was wrong. Javier didn't know what, but it was something.

"Okay. I'm on the way."

"Okay," she whispered. Grabbing his coat, Esposito dialed the hospital again. They picked up this time.

"Hi, I'm looking to see if you still have a patient?" he asked, hurrying out the door before anyone could question.

"First and last? Room Number?"

"Kevin Ryan. Room Number 106." She typed for a few moments, stopped, and then typed again.

"He's no longer here, sir." Javier froze.

"What do you mean, 'no longer there'?" he demanded.

"I mean he's no longer in his room."

"Well, was he released? Did he check himself out?"

"No, it seems like he just left."

"He just...?" Javier hit end before exploding into a long line of expletives in Spanish. He wanted to kick, scream, throw a tantrum. But he couldn't. He had to get to Jenny. Chances were, Ryan was already there. And from the sound of the phone call, things weren't going to go well for her.

Ryan

Jenny fumbled with her phone as she tried to close it with one hand.

"There. That wasn't so bad. All you had to do was talk. That was okay, right?" She nodded, breathing quickly. The gun was still pointing up at her chin, and she and Kevin were still handcuffed together.

"Kevin?" she burst out suddenly. He glanced over at her.

"Yes?"

"Why are you doing this?" He opened his mouth to explain, and then stopped and waited for a direction. None came.

"Because..because I love you. Because I know you and I, we're meant for each other. And Javier doesn't belong in the middle of this..in the middle of us."

"Are you going to kill him?" He thought for a moment. Was he going to kill him?

_Yes. And then Jenny._

"Yes." The sudden pounding on the door startled the both of them, and Kevin's trigger finger jumped, stealing Jenny's breath.

"Kevin! Open the door!" It was Javier.


	10. Everything's Not Lost

_**A/N: This is our last chapter! Thanks to everyone who read from the beginning! (And almost beginning.) I'm going to make this the longest chapter, so hopefully no one will lose interest. Though they've been called, no cops will show. Not until it's too late. It's the final standoff..who's going to make it out alive?**_

"_**Now I never meant to do you wrong, that's what I came here to say. But if I was wrong, then I'm sorry, but don't let it stand in our way. Cause my head just aches when I think of**_

_**the things I shouldn't have done. But life is for living, we all know, and I don't want to live it alone..."-Coldplay**_

Ryan

Kevin took a step toward the door, and stumbled when Jenny remained rooted in place, still sobbing something terrible.

"Jenny," he began in his most calm voice, "Jenny, we have to go answer the door." But she shook her head, raising her hand to wipe away her tears.

"No," she said fiercely, "No. I won't let you kill him. Kill me. He didn't do anything to you!"

"Yes he did!" Kevin growled.

"How?" Jenny demanded defiantly, "How do you know? You weren't here! You were in the hospital. He never touched me!" Ryan stopped for a moment to consider. How, indeed, did he know? Maybe what he thought was wrong. Maybe..

_No. We've gone too far for you to stop now. Get the door. _

"Hold on.." Kevin said softly, mind still working, "What if we're wrong? What if..?"

"What?" Jenny asked. He waved a hand at her.

"Not you."

_ We've done nothing wrong. Besides, we can't go back now. They'll take you to jail. They'll have you committed. You'll never see Jenny again. And you love her._

"I do love her," he agreed.

_Exactly. And you have to show her how much you love her. You have to kill the one that tries to steal her affection. And then you have to kill her._

"And myself?" he questioned. The banging continued in the background, but Kevin paid it no mind.

_There is nothing to worry about. _It avoided his question. _Just do as we've planned._ Ryan nodded, repeating the phrase to himself.

"Just do as we've planned. Just do as we've planned. Jenny," he called, "Jenny, open the door!"

Esposito

Javier had just raised his hand to knock again when the door eased open. He saw Jenny's panicked face show through the crack. His heart soared for just a moment. She was alive. Now he had to just keep her that way.

"Jenny. Come outside," he whispered urgently. She choked on a sob.

"I can't. He's right behind me. Javier, run. _Please._We're handcuffed." He bit his lip while his mind raced on. Handcuffed? Her plea went unheard.

"What hand-"

"Javier, come inside!" Kevin called, kicking the door wide open. They were, in fact, handcuffed together. Javier shook his head, keeping one hand on his gun.

"I can't do that, Kevin. How about you come out here, bro?" He seemed to consider it for a moment.

"Why are you making this hard for me, Javi? Is it really-" Then he seemed to latch on to another thought, "Is anyone with you?" he asked suspiciously.

"No," Esposito said honestly. Now that he was here, with Kevin being as dangerously unstable as he was, he thought about how smart it would have been to have called someone for backup.

"I don't believe you." Javier raised his hands in a symbol of surrender and took a step back.

"Come out here and look for yourself. No one." Kevin nodded and pulled Jenny along with him as he stepped outside, keeping a tight arm around her waist, holding her directly in front of him. There would be no clear shot, then, as Esposito knew Ryan intended to keep her there. Insurance. That's when Javier saw Kevin's gun. He wanted to reach for his own, but his body refused to cooperate.

"Kevin," he began, careful to keep his voice even and calm like he'd been taught, "We don't need guns. Just put it down, bro." Ryan shook his head.

"Don't act like you don't have your gun, too. I know you do. Let's have it." When Javier didn't move quick enough, Kevin pointed his gun at Esposito's face.

"I said," he growled, "Let me see it."

Beckett

Castle did a quick little run/walk to Kate's desk. She looked up.

"What?" He half turned back to where he'd come from.

"Have you seen Esposito? 'Cause I was going to-" Beckett shoved up from her desk.

"He's not in the precinct?" she demanded, about to run for Montgomery.

"Well, I asked around, and-" Beckett threw him her cell phone and grabbed her coat.

"Call the hospital. I'll go get Montgomery. Meet me outside." Castle eyed her over the phone.

"You don't-"

"Can't rule it out. Now call." Kate hurried off to find Montgomery, murmuring something along the lines of, "Ten-sixteen."

Esposito

Javier slowly showed Kevin his weapon, finger lightly brushing the trigger.

"There."

"Drop it," Ryan said, motioning to the ground with his own gun. It passed in front of Jenny's face, and she gasped. Javier closed his eyes momentarily and sent a prayer to God that if anyone, she would make it out alive.

"I can't, Kevin. I feel safer if I keep it with me, okay? But safety's on." He clicked it into place. Ryan studied him, and then nodded. The gun didn't budge.

"What do you want from me?" Javier asked, his gun still trained on his partner. He didn't have a shot, "I can get it. Just tell me." Ryan shook his head.

"I don't want you to get me anything."

"So what is it?" Esposito took a small half step to the right to see if he had a clean shot there. He didn't.

"I want you dead." And he said this so plainly, so matter of factly, that it gave Javier a startling pause. It brought tears to his eyes and stole his voice for a moment.

"Why?"

"Because I know what you did to Jenny! You touched her. You went to _bed_ with her! She's mine, bro. Why would you do that to me?" The gun shook dangerously in his hand as he shouted. It was surprising that no one had come outside yet.

"Kevin, I didn't have sex with Jenny. Who told you that? It's a lie, bro. I promise you, it's a lie. We never went to bed," Esposito explained quietly, keeping his eyes on Jenny. She trembled violently.

"You didn't-" he laughed, "You didn't sleep with Jenny? Then why did you stay overnight in _my_ house?" Javier blew out a frustrated breath. The two of them were getting absolutely nowhere. It was like they were dancing in circles. But he'd play his game. For now.

"Because she was scared. She wanted you back, and you weren't there. All I did was watch over her. I kept her safe. For you." But Kevin was still shaking his head.

"No. No, bro. I saw what I saw. I know about the two of you. I saw you at the hospital, too. Remember that, Jenny?" He shook her, hard, and Javier advanced a step; too quickly. Kevin jerked the gun up in his face again.

"Step back!"

"Then don't hurt her!" Esposito yelled, finally breaking his cool. Kevin smirked.

"Oh, isn't that cute? You love her, don't you? Now step back!" Javier gave up and dropped his hands to his sides, the gun now aiming at the ground.

"I don't care, bro. I don't care. Shoot me. Do whatever the hell you want to me. But let her go. Just let her walk away, and you can shoot me," he whispered, hurt. Where had they gone wrong?

"Kevin? Jenny? What's-" A woman, a neighbor, Javier assumed, came to her front steps.

"Get back in your house!" Ryan shouted. She looked, stricken, from Kevin to Javier, putting her hands in the air.

"Go back inside, ma'am," Javier instructed, nodding at her. When she hesitated, he nodded again.

"It's alright. Go back inside."

"Should I call the po-"

"GET INSIDE!" She hurried off as Kevin aimed the barrel of the gun at her. She stumbled back inside. She would call the cops, no doubt. And Javier wasn't sure how Ryan would respond to that. Kevin turned back to him.

"On your knees." Esposito did as he was told. He still clutched the gun.

"So what now?" he asked. Kevin shrugged.

"I-I have to shoot you?" And here, for the first time since the standoff had begun, Kevin looked unsure. Scared. Sounded it, too. It was like someone else was telling him what do to. Like he was being guided by some unseen force.

"Kevin, no you don't. Just put the gun down, and we can all walk away," he assured his partner. Ryan hung his head, and it was a moment before he realized that he was sobbing.

"I can't. I can't, Javi. I'm just so scared. I don't know why I have to..I'm just so lost. It's like..like I'm battling for my own mind. I can stand it!" He sounded afraid, enraged, and sorrowful, all at the same time. Javier's breath caught as he cried, silently, to himself. It was terrible, seeing this man, his brother, destroying himself right before his eyes. He could do nothing to stop the train wreck that was Kevin Ryan. And that cut him deeply.

"Tell me. Tell me, Kevin, please! What's wrong? What happened?"

"Haven't you heard?" he asked bitterly, "I'm crazy. I'm absolutely insane!" he broke down completely then, "I have schizophrenia. Nothing works. Not the medicine, not ignoring them.." Esposito had known. He'd taken the time to look it up. But it was still shocking, still terrible, just to hear Ryan admit it himself.

"There's still treatments. You don't have to take the medicine, you could-"

"I can't," he sobbed, "I can't. I can't _think_! It's like I don't even know who I am anymore! I hate it!" Javier rocked back on his heels and roughly rubbed at his face. His breath would not come back. Neither would his words. They had failed him, just like he had failed his partner. All that he could do was cry openly, brokenly, and feel his heart break within him.

"Kevin. Please. I'm begging you now. Let Jenny go. Let her go, and we can get you help. W-whatever you want, we'll get it." Ryan shook his head.

"There is no help. I don't want it. I don't want it, Javi. I just want it to be over!"

"Don't say that," Esposito begged, "Don't say that to me. It's not over. 'Till the wheels fall off, remember? What happened to that?"

"I can't. I'm sorry. It's over." Kevin pointed the gun at the side of Jenny's head, hiding behind her. It was impossible to get a shot without taking her out as well. Javier scrambled to his feet and aimed his gun anyway.

"Kevin, don't-" His words were lost in the sirens. He saw Ryan jump. He was nervous; felt pressed for time.

"Kevin..Kevin, if you don't drop the gun..I have to shoot you. And I don't want to, bro, I really don't. I can't." He couldn't. Truth was, it would destroy him. Because there was no way he could shoot to wound. He'd have to shoot to kill. And he just couldn't. He couldn't do that to him.

__"Ryan, please," he begged, ragged, broken, nothing left, "Don't make me do this."__Kevin moved Jenny out of the way, moved her just so that his chest was exposed, moved her so that only his heart was exposed. He pressed the gun harder into her skull, and she cried out.

__"Do it, Javier! Do it, or I swear to God I will!"__The sirens came closer, and he knew he'd have to make a decision. He felt sick. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and forget everything. He'd never be able to forgive himself if he did this. Never. He couldn't shoot Ryan. Not his partner. But he couldn't just walk away.

__"Oh God, Pardoname.." he moaned, raising closed eyes to the sky, "Pardoname.." _**Forgive me. **_He squeezed the trigger, and all was silent. Dropping to his knees, he banged his fist against the concrete and sobbed. It was over.

Three Years Later

Esposito

Javier dropped the empty beer can onto the counter and crushed it with his palm. Without hesitation, he reached for another one and popped it open. He glanced at the clock. It was only 11 a.m. Lanie shuffled into the kitchen and kissed his cheek.

"Javier, it's too early. Come on, baby, put it down. We can..we can go for a walk. Or a drive. Or-" He shook his head.

"No," he said hoarsely, knocking back the rest of the can. He crushed that one as well and went to grab another. Lanie slammed her hand down on it and slid it back, out of his reach.

"Give them to me, Lanie," he demanded, not meeting her eyes. He didn't do that much anymore. Soon after his final standoff with Ryan, he'd quit the force and retired to his apartment, where he had become hell bent on drinking himself to death. In fact, two years ago he had been rushed to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. The doctor told him if he kept drinking like that, he'd be dead before he was forty. Javier had looked him in the eye and told him he hoped so. After that, Lanie had taken it upon herself to care for him. They had something like a romance, though it was mostly one-sided. Javier never let himself get attached. Not anymore. Yet day after day, Lanie tried to rip him from the bottle. And bless her, she never gave up.

"No. Javier, look at me, won't you?" He didn't. She gently tipped his chin up so that they made eye contact.

"Javier, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You already gave up on work, baby. Don't give up on life. You need to stop this." Her voice was hushed, raw. He dropped his gaze and choked back his tears.

"I shot Kevin, Lanie. I shot my partner. What right do I have?"

"You shot him, Javier. You didn't kill him. And you saved Jenny. You did what you had to." She gathered him in her arms, and he there he cried.

Ryan

"Hey," Jenny murmured, bending down to kiss his cheek. He continued to stare out the window. It wasn't that he was ignoring her, it was that he was still lost somewhere within his mind. He barely spoke anymore, except for when he broke into one of his fits.

"Come on, let's get you changed, okay? Have you changed recently?" She didn't expect him to respond. He didn't. She guided him back into his room and sat him down on the bed. Opening the closet, she idly made chat with him about what she'd done that day. She picked a shirt and bent down to unbutton the one Kevin was wearing.

"Here, hold your arms out." He did, and she removed the old one and replaced it with a new one. It had taken her a while, but Jenny had come to visit Kevin everyday. After the standoff three years ago, she'd been a total wreck. But gradually, she had forgiven Kevin and worked with him. Still, he had to stay in the institution. She hadn't dated. It was as if she was waiting for him to get better, so that they could pick up where they had left off. She knew they couldn't. She finished buttoning his shirt.

"Kevin, I love you. You know that? I forgive you." And for a rare moment, he smiled, and it felt like old times. And then..he was gone again.

_**A/N: The End! Thanks for your faithful reading and reviewing! It's all over. I'm a little sad, actually, but it's been a good ride. Safe to say I'm done with my block now! Keep an eye out for another fiction I'll be working on soon. Thanks so much; you're all the best! Yours forever and always! (Even after the wheels fall off.)**_


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